Training Diary - The Beginning
Disclosure: this training journal may contain old jokes, clichés, fictional characters and events. We mean no harm.
Post Challenge Walk - September, 2006
Monday
When you're more than 41 years old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside you that says: "Just because you've reached middle age, that doesn't mean you shouldn't take on new challenges and seek new adventures. You get only one ride on this crazy carousel we call life, and by golly you should make the most of it."
This is the voice of Satan.
Or Patty.
We know this because recently, we listened to this voice, and as a result our bodies feel as though they have been used as a trampoline by the Budweiser Clydesdales.
And all because Patty wanted to go on a little walk to raise money for the MS Society. Get behind thee, Satan!
Tuesday
We are currently on a special, low cal diet. It consists of black coffee and 250 Advil tablets.
Wednesday
We wish we had our walking stick. They're like poles that hold you up. Plus you can stab people with them if they make fun of you when you try to walk.
Friday
We must be feeling better! We can tie our shoes like grown ups! We high fived each other over a glass of wine and promised to train harder than ever this year in preparation for the 2007 walk. Just saying those words out loud made Karen shudder. We told her not to fear the trail. We're sure to do better in '07.
Monday
Our personal trainer, Lance, called to see how we were feeling. We told him we were just grand. He hesitated just a teensy minute and then asked us if we were planning on coming back to the gym. Absolutely, we said! He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob, but Marie said it was just a bad cell phone connection.
Thursday
It's been one week since we were at the Cape. Time to get back on that horse we call training! We met at the restaurant down the street from the gym to discuss our training strategy over a wee cocktail or two. Guess who we saw??? LANCE! He was sitting at the bar, a row of empty shot glasses in front of him, muttering something that sounded like "crazy hitches." Brooke plunked on the bar stool next to him, chirping a happy, "Hi!" He glanced at her and screamed. Brooke, unused to screaming adults, screamed back. Lance stumbled off his barstool. "Not real!" he muttered. "You're not real!" and something that sounded like "figment." Judy, being the kind nurse that she is, told Lance to stop being silly. He ran outside without bothering to put on his coat, which is wicked bad in New England. Patty called out after him, "we'll see you at the gym!" but he must not have heard her because he didn't reply.
Friday
The gym was full today! Every machine was in use, so we had to wait. We decided to kill the time by waiting in the restaurant. They serve wonderful nachos there. Of course, what's a nacho without a margarita to go with it? The margaritas were gone before the nachos were, so we ordered another round. By the time we got back to the gym, it was practically empty! We were all able to use the stair masters and the treadmills. Exercising is thirsty work, though, so we had to stop a few times for a teensy tequila break.
Saturday
Lance was waiting for us when we got to the gym today. He told us he was approaching our training in a whole new way: backwards. We didn't really understand a word the man was saying, but his eyes were gleaming and he had a wonderful smile on his face, so we pretended to listen. When he was through with his little "we're going to work together backwards" speech, we followed him to the treadmill and quickly learned that Lance was being very literal. He put us on the treadmill backwards. Paula thinks Lance is losing his mind. Joan told her to stop jumping to conclusions. Karen said if jumping to conclusions burns calories, she's in.
Sunday
Patty wants Craig to exercise more, too, so she hid the TV remote four times today. She says it's working like a charm!
Wednesday
Deb heard about a whole new way to exercise! It's called facercise and involves using just the muscles in your face. The literature on it says, "facersize is a series of synergistic movements that have been successfully implemented by thousands of people worldwide. Through proper facial exercise, one can strengthen and tone." Kaitie wondered what synergistic movements were. We weren't sure, so decided to ask Lance.
Friday
Lance says to stay away from synergistic movements. He thinks we're not ready for that level of intensity. We agree with him, so decided to quit the work out early and head to Joan and Bob's house for pizza and beer. After all, we don't want to burn ourselves out.
